dear diary,

the last time i wrote, i was single.. and now me and josh are a couple!! :D and a damn cute one at that. lol we were kissing for the best part of 4 hours yesterday :P so amazing. i really really really like him! even more than that infact, but im not gonna tell him untill tomoro night..

its new years eve tomoro! and the day after that itll be 2010!!!! lol.. cant believe i'm gonna start a new year with josh.. he's so amazing! i don't wanna loose him. there are no excused this time and i'm soo glad that we get along soo easily. uh.. i'm in love with him!! and i cant help it. he's just so perfect. beats scott by a mile and i thought no one could beat him.. i was SOOO WRONG!! loool

cant wait to tell him how i feel tomoro night :D and meet his parents :D and get married to him :D and have his babies :D :D and grow old with him :D :D

LOVE LOVE LOVE!! XOXOX

ok, so writting this, im a smiling idiot ^^. starting to think that maybe it will be easier to fall than i thought.. after all ive only known him for a few weeks and ive seen him only twice in them. we are sooo alike!! i love it.. and he likes the taylor swift song i sent him :D and he does the same romantic little things that i do .. like looking at a photo of him in the background while talking on fb ^^ aww we are so cute!!

Dear Diary..

amazing things have happened, and are about to happen since we last spoke. i didnt think that i could ever feel this way again! i havent seen him since the reunion, but im not doubting my feeling for him - if i liked him when i saw he before, it will just be even more so when i see him .. TOMORROW!!! :D cant believe ITS THE MIXTAPE tomorrow... :D and jennie, charis and claire are gonna be there too :) gonna be great!! im soo excited!!

but more excited to see Josh ^^ <3>

anyways, better come up with an excuse why i should go so that i dont have to mention scott's role in all this.. well he's in bournemouth now, just this week, and he's gonna call me on thurseday.. have no idea how im gonna react to him. i really hope that i don't still like him! cos ive managed to move on, im over him, and ive told Josh that, so i need to make sure of it, and stick to one guy ^^ lol. but seriously, we're talking to sort this mess out.. and get to the point where we are comfortable with eachother. obviously , if Josh asks me out tomoro, its gonna be sooo hard to tell scott that im seeing someone. after all as far as he knows theres a possiblility of us getting back together, but now, my hearts telling me that that'snot gonna happen. i really wanna fall in love again.. and with an amazing guy who is good for me and doesnt live far away and leaves me hanging, and i dont want a complicated relationship. but tbh, thats gonna be so hard! im gonna have to try hard to stop myself from complicating it, because i know its gonna be wierd and unheard of to me, because so far every relationship ive had has been complicated.

i dont wanna have heartace and pain anymore. i just want to have someone there for me, and to be a part of something thats really special and exclusive. i really miss those relationships, i just feel like i need to be in a loving 2 person only relationship. i need to know that that person only has eyes for me.. and yeah, just to have that exclusiveness will be amazing ^^

anyways gotta go to chris and jen's.. talk later xxx