dear diary,
last night was incredible! it was truely amazing, yet i was in a really bad situation! i went to clare's house for a while after work. because the dlr was down, we couldnt go to the social thing at poplar baptist, and she was planning to go out with joel, since it was their last night together before he goes to uni. so i curled her hair and we looked at photos of this year and talked for a while about general stuff. so i went home, took the d3 walked thru the greenwich tunnel and then got on the 199. greenwich was really beautiful at night.. and there were so many couples and really interesting people there. but a bit scary because a few people where drunk and one couple where argueing the the middle of the road! lol

so anyway, i got home, singing to myself for courage, and i realised before that i didnt have my key! i knew everyone had got to see a movie, but i didnt realise that they would go to pizza hut after and come back at half 9! so i was calling them, and no answer, and ended up waiting outside for an hour and a half!!!! was pretty cold but i was sooo amazed by God. i was looking arround, praying that no drunk dodgy blokes walked down my road and decided to take advantage of me! :S but they didnt! every minute was scary, but amazing! i loved it so much. watching the few stars that i could see, following insects that were buzzing arround lamps and counting every leaf that fell from the big old trees outside my house. some people do some strange things at night! i kept seeing one guy who lived across the road going out, the coming back 20 minutes later, then going out again with strange packages..makes me wonder what his life is like.

i was speaking to God, and praying and praising him, and i talked to my mum on the phone in the end, and i was amazed at how normal she sounded! like it was a regular day and she was well again!! ofcorse she has a way to go yet, but it just shows how amazing God is and how much he can change things around so quickly.

so even thou i havent spoken to scott in weeks, college is hard and i have loads of homework, my future is unknown, and my heart is still aching - sometimes its a good thing. i was reading in the 'taming the tiger' book scott gave me that sometimes God needs to put us in a very low place so that we have nothing to loose - so we can surrender all to God and we have nothing left to rely on but him. and i know its true for me that when my life is good, God is sometimes put out of the picture. but when times are bad, hes still there! he has always been and he always will be. i just need to remember who got me thru the bad times when the good times come, or if they dont come, that i can still rejoice because i have eternal life to look forward to! and right now im certain that God is number 1 in my life. i love scott dearly, but he has to come second. and he knows that, we both do. just that actions speak louder than words and this summer our actions havent been glorifying God the whole time.

so anyway, i have work to do, and songs to sing, and piano to play!!

I LOVE YOU JESUS!! xx