hey!! <33

I've set my home page to blogger, so hopefully whenever i am on the Internet i can remember to write! then maybe in years to come i will find this web page again, and look back on my teenage years and ponder on that good memories blah blah, like old people do. i am convinced that i will never actually be an 'adult' so to speak. i am going to keep my childlike attitude because i know its a wonderful thing to be a child. so i may have moments of adulthood when i need them, but otherwise i will try my best to hold on to my strong teen spirit!

i love being a teenager. much more i think that i will when I'm an adult. they must have such complicated thought. i know i do at times, and my mind is very mature right now. my parents doubt my maturity thou. they really think that i think like any other 16 year old! WRONG! i may have the ability to think like a teenager, and i do most of the times, but my thoughts are know to stray into the adult world.

there are still many things that i don't understand, and i accept that. so many adults wish they were teenager again, so why rush growing up? people say that their childhood was the best days of their lives, so why are so many young girls so eager to be all grown up and have sex, and get drunk and act 20 years older when they clearly aren't! i guess that the thing with me. i understand a lot of adult things, but i don't want to like that. i would rather be a child still! i Love my life ATM! i don't want it to change. i wish my exams where over, but i know that within a few bats of an eyelid they will be gone as soon as they came!

i cant wait for July!!!!!!!! i don't know how many times in the last few months i have said that, but i think my favourite 2 sayings right now are: "I miss (you-know-who) sooo much!!", and " I can't wait for July!!!!". these are for obvious reasons, which my friends could go on about for ages, since i have told them so much, and so many times recently. so school is semi-finished, and no i have nothing to do except prepare for exams and get excited over the summers arrival! this morning i was supposed to be going to a final maths revision session with my friends but i over-slept! it started at 9, and there was me getting up and 25 to 10.

well i did really want to have an excuse to get out of it, but then again i did desperately need to go into school, seeing as i have daydreamed my way thru most maths lessons this year, not taking much in, and only focusing when it was our last few lessons, and way too late. I'm so glad the school gave us a maths program to take home! i dunno what i would have done if i only had a stupid revision book that is so hard to understand. i would have been truly stuck in it!!!

i haven't spoken to him all week! only really briefly on Monday, and then nothing. i cant even text him, coz hes out int the sticks with no signal! that wud have been so convinient, because then we would be able to talk to each other whenever we want! and i cant count how many night Ive stayed up waiting for him, like a loser to come online, only to be disappointed by the clock turning 10 and my Internet going dead because of my unreasonable curfew. Grrr. my parents are so lovely, but so out of order sometimes!

i find it hard to believe that they were in love sometimes. they really don't seem to understand what I'm going thru because they torture me when they say its time for bed! uh! I'm 16! not 11 i don't need a bed time because i know when my own body is tired. yes there have been occasions where i have stayed up way past midnight on a school night, but only because i know what the consequences are and how to deal with them! they don't realise that i am able to control my own life, ( well my sleeping habits anyway because God controls my life ultimately) and i am able to know when enough is enough! though it kills me, when i am in need of sleep i do say goodnight to him. i would go as far as falling asleep on my laptop or anything. and the thing that annoys me the most is that when you-know-who came to visit me, my mum had a go at him for keeping me up to late!

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! why!!?? its not him i told her, its me! I'm the 'disobedient' child, well actually, I'm not! i can look out for my own energy levels! your not the one who knows when I'm tired, i am!! why do you think you still have the right to control every inch of me! you don't! and i appreciate every single thing you've done for me. i cant image how hard it is to raise a child, and i know its gonna be tough for me but now is the time to let go!!! i love you both with all my heart, and i respect you but you cant keep holding me back! you need to let me make my own mistakes and take risks, and be who i am and live for Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow. glad i got the off my chest! LOL.
lovealways xxxxx