Hey everyone!

its me rachel and right here is a picture i took on my new phone! i've had a great christmas so far and tomorrow im going to my grandmas house. i'm getting my first pair of authentic converses from her so i am pretty excited.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

xxx love always, rach xxx

dear diary,

so, its christmas time! the years almost over and my faith in Scott is seriously running out. i like this other guy called Facey now, and im getting over Scott. not sure if thats a good or bad thing, but everything seems to be pointing away from him atm, including my heart. i never thought i would actually be over him, but i guess God has a lot more suprises in store for me. theres a huge possiblity that early next year me and Facey will be getting together. just as soon as i know that God thinks its the right thing and i feel thats it right for us.

so .. i wonder what 2009 will bring?? romance? REAL love? Godliness? many suprises i think..
rach xx

Dear Diary,
its been over two months now and i am starting to get seriously worried about him. and not just him in general, but what hes thinking and feeling. so much about my life reminds me of him. i just CANT get him out of my head. which im glad of, cos no WAY would i wanna forget him!! mann .. im having on of those moments when i am just like uhhh.. i feel so drained and frustrated about this whole situation.

well its been a long day at work. but still im loving it! even the endless washing and window cleaning is alright because i have someone to think about ^^ i reeeeeally hope he will come on the house party!! it will be our anniversary :) (yay!) the weekend when we fell in love.. aww! :P and what a thud it was. i remember trying so hard not to think about him and us afterwards.. didnt work! but im so glad i have him.. even if i dont actually have him right now, i know i will soon in the future :)

anyway bedtime for me
xx

FACEBOOK STATUS:



Rachel Linda Ayrton is hurting really badly, and is listening to 'Teenage Dirtbag' and feels just like a teenage dirtbag. boy, o boy, i feel like an idiot. so utterly heartbroken and like complete crap. sometimes this feeling really ticks me off! a moment ago.

Dear Diary,

todays been great! i had music btec :) and also art where we were doing that henry moore technique. anyway im just making small talk, because the real reason im writting is to let out this heartace. i have that acey feeling again. and its not the fault of these heartbreaking love songs on the radio this time, just that i miss him! mann..i dont really know what to say or think. uhh!!! :'( boy i hate this feeling.

I am so in love with him!

and this feeling isnt going away, no way. emily was talking to me on sunday about being in love. shes another person who doesnt understand how much i love him and even though im so young that there is no one else i would rather be with. i sooo soooo hope he hasnt found someone else. i know for sure when i last saw him there is no way he would have even thought about another girl, but its so hard to know whats going through his mind when he is so far away and i never speak to him!! its been almost a month now. Lord!! i dunno if i can take much more of this.

dear diary,

this picture is of me right now!! :) not looking my best but i thought it would be good to see what i look like up to date.

today has been good, i had french in foresthill which was suprisingly easier that i thought it would be. ive been singing along to every love song on the radio this evening whilst drawing my rose for art.

tomorow its music !!!! i hope were just doing band practise again.. or maybe improv? im getting used to the idea of singing randomly, and im trying to improve my singing technique too.

had a piano lesson today.. same old, but it was nice cos there were only 2 other kids and not constant noise from people.

well, im shattered. really wich i could speak to scott! i would love to phone him or something.. just to hear his voice again. but better still! its camp reunion next friday!!!! wooo! he sooooo better be there! otherwise i will nag at him thru facebook! :(

he will be - afterall its the only time im gonna see him from now untill christmas, unless i go to his party. hope i do! but will be wierd.

anywayyyy, bedtime. goodnighty!!

dear diary,
last night was incredible! it was truely amazing, yet i was in a really bad situation! i went to clare's house for a while after work. because the dlr was down, we couldnt go to the social thing at poplar baptist, and she was planning to go out with joel, since it was their last night together before he goes to uni. so i curled her hair and we looked at photos of this year and talked for a while about general stuff. so i went home, took the d3 walked thru the greenwich tunnel and then got on the 199. greenwich was really beautiful at night.. and there were so many couples and really interesting people there. but a bit scary because a few people where drunk and one couple where argueing the the middle of the road! lol

so anyway, i got home, singing to myself for courage, and i realised before that i didnt have my key! i knew everyone had got to see a movie, but i didnt realise that they would go to pizza hut after and come back at half 9! so i was calling them, and no answer, and ended up waiting outside for an hour and a half!!!! was pretty cold but i was sooo amazed by God. i was looking arround, praying that no drunk dodgy blokes walked down my road and decided to take advantage of me! :S but they didnt! every minute was scary, but amazing! i loved it so much. watching the few stars that i could see, following insects that were buzzing arround lamps and counting every leaf that fell from the big old trees outside my house. some people do some strange things at night! i kept seeing one guy who lived across the road going out, the coming back 20 minutes later, then going out again with strange packages..makes me wonder what his life is like.

i was speaking to God, and praying and praising him, and i talked to my mum on the phone in the end, and i was amazed at how normal she sounded! like it was a regular day and she was well again!! ofcorse she has a way to go yet, but it just shows how amazing God is and how much he can change things around so quickly.

so even thou i havent spoken to scott in weeks, college is hard and i have loads of homework, my future is unknown, and my heart is still aching - sometimes its a good thing. i was reading in the 'taming the tiger' book scott gave me that sometimes God needs to put us in a very low place so that we have nothing to loose - so we can surrender all to God and we have nothing left to rely on but him. and i know its true for me that when my life is good, God is sometimes put out of the picture. but when times are bad, hes still there! he has always been and he always will be. i just need to remember who got me thru the bad times when the good times come, or if they dont come, that i can still rejoice because i have eternal life to look forward to! and right now im certain that God is number 1 in my life. i love scott dearly, but he has to come second. and he knows that, we both do. just that actions speak louder than words and this summer our actions havent been glorifying God the whole time.

so anyway, i have work to do, and songs to sing, and piano to play!!

I LOVE YOU JESUS!! xx

OMIGOSH!!!!!!!!!
Saskia and Daniel are ENGAGED!!! :D
i am sooo happy for them!! :)
xx

FACEBOOK STATUS:

Rachel Linda Ayrton is feeling very strange, and has mixed emotions right now and doesnt know what to do with herself. she just keeps thinking about everything between her and Scott that has happened and really doesnt know how to deal with it or whether she should message him and see if he is ok because she hasnt spoken to him in dayssss, and she is just plain worried about him! it hasnt been normal for her not speaking to him for so long and she misses him dearly, and is holding onto God sooo tightly but is still finding it hard, but it finding her again gradually, but still cant seem to think straight about ANYTHING. every little thing reminds her of him and she is screaming out for some sense of assurance. and also, just ..shes still feeling very heart broken indeeeeed! and just like '..uh. i dunno what to do with myself!' a moment ago.

hellooooooo everyone! :D

just got back from campers club, the first of this term and im in a good mood!! i have been having a really long convo with vicky about boyfriends, sex, God, and other stuff. was really good! i have found that so many people know how i feel about scott - becki knows the heartbreakey bit, claire knows the whole what scotts likey bit, and vicky and what knows the whole issue of touchy feeliness, the reason behind it all. so i am soo glad that God has given me these 3 amazing friends who totally understand what im going thru!! I LOVE THEM TO BITS!!

anyway, ive got work tomoro, and i think jake is coming with, and claires gonna be at the cafe doing some work so i can speak to them during my break which will be nice. so anyway yeah, another day of work , and another day with the man i love..sounds so heartbreaking :'(
but its ok!! i have Jesus on my side :D

my fingers and my brain are getting tired now and my tea has gone cold :(
will write when i can
xx

About You
full name	Rachel Linda Ayrton
nicknames	Rach, Raa - Raa, Rachella,
birthdate	05/05/1992
location	st. Georges tooting
height	5'2"
hair color	brown
eye color	blue
siblings	1 sister - Suzie, 1 brother - Jake
pets	none atm
worst fear	losing the guy i love for good :'(
Favorites
color	blue/green
movie	too many!
artist/band	umm.. atm, soul survivor, newsboys, whitney and colbie caillat
songs	whitney houston - i have nothing/where do broken hearts go, avril lavigne - things ill never say, alicia keys - if i aint got you
tv show	the simpsons, friends, scrubs, whose line is it anyway?(but im not as addicted as my sister is to it)
place to shop	bromley! - topshop, primark, new look, lush, paper chase!!
subject in school	art :D <3
smell	freshly cut grass, scott ^^
food	pizza and icecream :)
Have You Ever?
made a prank call?	umm..no
lied?	yes
snuck out of the house?	urr..yeah
skipped school?	yes :(
ran away?	nope
broken the law?	no
done something embarrassing?	all the time lol
made yourself cry to get out of trouble?	nope
wanted someone you knew you couldnt have?	:( sort of
been to a concert?	yeah
been kissed?	uh huh
kissed someone?	oh yes
been in love?	still am.. always will be
cheated on someone?	no!
been cheated on?	yeah
had a hard time getting over someone?	yes
Do You?
color your hair?	nope
have any tattoos?	noooo
have any piercings?	yeah just my ear lobes
have any bad habits?	biting my nails :-o
wish you were someone else?	noo loev being me :)
play an instrument?	piano and guitar
wear cologne/perfume?	sometimes..
own a thong?	no
wear contacts/glasses?	yeah glasses sometimes
Who?
would you like to kiss?	they guy that i am totally in love with but cant be with atm - SCOTT KENWARD!!
makes you laugh?	scott, becki, emily, jake, facey, daniel..too many really cool people!!
makes you smile?	scott :) everytime..
do you tell everything to?	God
has a crush on you?	umm.. i dunno
can make you feel better no matter what?	Jesus :)
More About You
what song makes you cry?	some worship songs
what song makes you happy?	never be lonely, i wanna dance with somebody
what makes you happy?	knowing how many blessing i have and that God is always there for me
do you wish on stars?	yeahh of corse
When Was The Last Time You...?
drank alcohol?	umm.. at a wedding (?)
smoked?	never!
kissed someone?	3rd september 2008.. the day he broke my heart :'(
went to the mall?	umm a few days ago
were on stage?	tuesday! when i was singing 'i have nothing' for my music class
cut your hair?	ages ago.. needs cutting soon
stole something?	umm.. cant remember
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

hey people,

todays been another semi-boring episode of photography! my teacher (joe) is crrrraaaazzzzzzyyyyyy! and extreeemely wierd. and so is the work he sets. i cant wait! i have art and music tomoro! but i cant talk now will finish this in the morning...

xx

Dear little miss blog,
the last time i wrote was just before everything blow up in my face. and as you can tell from what i wrote when i was at scott's, God was obviously sending me signs...(brb)...anyway, yeah..im an idiot one again. A - for not sorting this out with him, B - for not talking enough and telling him exactly what i am thinking, and C - for falling into this stupid trap again! and this time its WORSE!!! i am NOT being dramatic when i say HES THE ONE AND ONLY GUY FOR ME, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, AND I AM NOT GIVING UP ON HIM!!!!!!!! this thing that we had was too physical, and went too far, and now its a mess, our relationships with God are a mess, and im a mess. im so lost. in pieces. totally heartbroken and i dunno what to do with myself but pray and try to cling onto God with all i have left. im being so dramatic!! everything else in my life is pretty much perfect, 6th form is awesome, my friends are amazing, and so funny loving and supportive, and best of all, my mum is gettng better and suzie and jake and dad are doing great! suzie wants to get baptised, and is well showing how much of a christian she is. theres things she needs to work on, always will be for everyone - including me. my main thing now are my priorities, and atm , scotts top. shouldnt be like that! God should definatly be my number one and i should be learning that he is all i need and will ever need. i guess its been my one true joy to chase after boys my whole life, and now im finaly realising that they are not everything, and will let me down and not satisfy! i really thought scott was the answer to my prayers but here he is, breaking his promises to me and breaking my heart in two. he cant help it! its the only way that he saw was right. he needs to be putting God first the same as i do, and atm he feels like hes really far away from God. which is why i love him so much!! hes really wise in these things, and although like me and everyone hes make mistakes, and taken things to far with me, hes sacrificing our relationship to get closer to his Father, which even though it hurts me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad to watch him walk away, i respect him for that, and i want to support him (heres the hard bit) as a FRIEND. :'( i am gonna miss him soooooooooooooooooo much and i think about him soo much. but i can live without him. ive done ok so far, even though i have my moments of total heartace and confusion, i need this test, this trial, to fix my eyes on Jesus and learn to trust in him alone. In Christ Alone - : ) he MUST be my all. because without him i am soo lost! looking to scott has just ripped us appart. at the start, we prayed together and i promised myself that God would be the centre, but as we got physically closer we were pushing God out of the picture.
i wrote him an essay^^ and i wrote becki a FB message yesterday about it - poor girl she still says that she is heartbroken and feels the sam way i do about scott, so i am sooooo glad i have her as a best friend. she is soo lovely and supportive! boy did i choose well to go play with her at in playgroup..God put us in the right place at the right time so that even now we are thousands of miles away from eachother , we are still such a great source of support to eachother..its great :)
well, i have a day off tomorrow! only need to go infor tutorial and and then i have the morning and afternoon off!!! YAY!! so i may write some more on this issue and particularly sensitive and highly emotional area of my life, tomorrow, once i have done all my boring homework : /
will write soon
lovealways xx

dear diary,

right now im in bournemouth at scotts house, on allies laptop! its sorta sunny today which is good because yesterday it was raining really heavily when me and scott went to the beach. we stayed in his car because the wind was soo strong. was really nice! all warm and cosy in his car :)

ive missed him sooo soo much this last week. camp was really hard and seeing daniel and saskia made it hard for me because it made me remember when we were together on july camp. and yesterday, being with his was wierd. not actually being with him, but i mean the conversations we had were strange. it didnt make sense. was like we had gone back to before the summer and everything seemed to be falling appart.

i really didnt know what to make of it all. i wanted to scream at him at one point, but i knew he didnt deserve that and he told me that he was confused. just like i was..so i think hes having trouble. if its the same trouble as i have before then this wil be hard for us.. but we will pull thru ! im sure of it!!!!!!!!!!

laters xx

hey there dudes!

yet again im being lazy and not posting regularly..hmm. well it is summer! even thou today hasnt been all that productive, lots of things are happening!!

mums back to her old state- but worse. shes in lewisham hospital, and isnt getting much better. i knew our holiday in devon was going to be a bad one, for some reason i just did. strange i know, but its just something about that house that bugs me.

rusty died on the kitchen floor there, we're not sure totally what happened, and we're not assuming anything but the same day my mum took an overdose and was rushed to hospital.

well, our holiday was brought to a firm close, and now we're back in london trying to take our minds of things. im really happy now thou, ive got everything i need (except a healthy mother), and Scott is being soo supportive aswell as all my friends (who know) and our family too.

grandma h is down for a few days to see us and mum, and tomoro im going running and then im hopefully making a few batches of this really yummy tray bake that grandmas gonna give me the recipe for. im gonna make enough for everyone at camp, aswell as a batch for us to have at home. mum was going to make some of the same kind for camp, but i guess she didnt get round to it and she cant now..was going to be camp cook but its down to babs (scott's mum) now.

july camp was wicked!! had ups and downs, but the downs make me (us) stronger, and there were loads more of the ups which i will remember better. i stayed awake all night on the last day, and on the last day before we had to go back to devon with scott.

those nights were the most incredible nights of my life! we did a few things that we regret now, but it just brought us closer and we are open about everything now. even the difficult stuff we talk about cos we know tht we can sort them out if we just communicate, and more importantly, bring it to God.

being with scott has brought me so much closer to God. i am trusting in him for everthing now, and especially with scott cos i am not gonna mess this one up. this time its real, and for life. we're sticking this out to the bitter end!! - even though im possitive that our end will be glorious, not bitter. :D

well im done ranting now, scott should be on his break by now.. its 20 past 5 so yh laters!!

Dear Diary,

todays a great day! the sun is shining, i have finished my piano exam, im feeling relaxed, eating icecream...and the best part, i totally and utterly in love! im getting butterflys just thinking about him. (L)

ummmm ... :D




xx

this is a picture of Scott! (and another lady who i dont know) it was taken at Lee Abbey when he was playing football for Lynton, and he gave me the jumper hes wearing there to remind me of him :) hes the most amazing guy i know (except for Jesus - no one can beat him!) and I love him (well both of them, but Jesus first).



this weekend has been so awesome...he stayed over 2 nights and we went out on saturday to camden and then to trafalgar square :) it was really good..he didnt like camden, and to be honest it was really boring when we got there. except we had some really nice chinese! it was from that really cheap take away place near camden lock and a meal and drink was only 3 pounds! well good bargin :D and it was really nice too.



Yay!! i had my last exam today!!! it has gone so fast...i cant believe this year is over already..but i am soooo glad it is! im really happy now!!! :D no exams...no stress...no work...just sun, fun, relaxing and love, sweet love. i cant wait for july camp now!! and prom!! wooo! thats gonna be sooo much fun!! getting the limo there. and hopefully ill have enough money to get a really nice dress :)



well i better be going..heres another really cute pic of Scott that i have as my desktop pic right now also...Oh Mi Gosh...WE KISSED!! xx
what a cutie..hehe :)

dear diary,

today has been pretty busy and we still have loads to do..but the best part is Scott ( my boyfriend!! :D ) is coming tonight!!!!! YAY!!!! i cant wait! this was really short, but i still have to make another cd and tidy my room! Scotts leaving Lee Abbey at like half 8, so he shud be here for 1 or 2 am. which is better than last time at least!! half 4 in the morning..wow.

well ill write later, probably saturday night :D
rach x

hellOOO!
today has been really great so far! pearce woke me up this morning - he rang me to ask whether he shud bring lunch! and i was still in bed at half 9!
i couldnt believe that i overslept, and then i had to rush a shower and getting everything ready before everyone came. i rode my bike up the hill to church this morning! i also had to go the bank and post office after
..and it wasnt half and complicated or scary as i thought it wud be! i used up some of the change for my lunch on the package that i sent you-know-who! i posted back the book that he lent me and put a little note inside :)
anyway, after that i bought with my cash card! i wasnt expecting too, but i had to in the end because i didnt have enough change to pay for my lunch. i thought that it wouldnt work because i had only just paid in my money, but it did! and i put my pin in and everything! lol
:D
anyway, im talking to p on msn, so c ya later!
hopefully i will get another amazing phone call from you-know-who! <3<3<3
love rach x

hey!! <33

I've set my home page to blogger, so hopefully whenever i am on the Internet i can remember to write! then maybe in years to come i will find this web page again, and look back on my teenage years and ponder on that good memories blah blah, like old people do. i am convinced that i will never actually be an 'adult' so to speak. i am going to keep my childlike attitude because i know its a wonderful thing to be a child. so i may have moments of adulthood when i need them, but otherwise i will try my best to hold on to my strong teen spirit!

i love being a teenager. much more i think that i will when I'm an adult. they must have such complicated thought. i know i do at times, and my mind is very mature right now. my parents doubt my maturity thou. they really think that i think like any other 16 year old! WRONG! i may have the ability to think like a teenager, and i do most of the times, but my thoughts are know to stray into the adult world.

there are still many things that i don't understand, and i accept that. so many adults wish they were teenager again, so why rush growing up? people say that their childhood was the best days of their lives, so why are so many young girls so eager to be all grown up and have sex, and get drunk and act 20 years older when they clearly aren't! i guess that the thing with me. i understand a lot of adult things, but i don't want to like that. i would rather be a child still! i Love my life ATM! i don't want it to change. i wish my exams where over, but i know that within a few bats of an eyelid they will be gone as soon as they came!

i cant wait for July!!!!!!!! i don't know how many times in the last few months i have said that, but i think my favourite 2 sayings right now are: "I miss (you-know-who) sooo much!!", and " I can't wait for July!!!!". these are for obvious reasons, which my friends could go on about for ages, since i have told them so much, and so many times recently. so school is semi-finished, and no i have nothing to do except prepare for exams and get excited over the summers arrival! this morning i was supposed to be going to a final maths revision session with my friends but i over-slept! it started at 9, and there was me getting up and 25 to 10.

well i did really want to have an excuse to get out of it, but then again i did desperately need to go into school, seeing as i have daydreamed my way thru most maths lessons this year, not taking much in, and only focusing when it was our last few lessons, and way too late. I'm so glad the school gave us a maths program to take home! i dunno what i would have done if i only had a stupid revision book that is so hard to understand. i would have been truly stuck in it!!!

i haven't spoken to him all week! only really briefly on Monday, and then nothing. i cant even text him, coz hes out int the sticks with no signal! that wud have been so convinient, because then we would be able to talk to each other whenever we want! and i cant count how many night Ive stayed up waiting for him, like a loser to come online, only to be disappointed by the clock turning 10 and my Internet going dead because of my unreasonable curfew. Grrr. my parents are so lovely, but so out of order sometimes!

i find it hard to believe that they were in love sometimes. they really don't seem to understand what I'm going thru because they torture me when they say its time for bed! uh! I'm 16! not 11 i don't need a bed time because i know when my own body is tired. yes there have been occasions where i have stayed up way past midnight on a school night, but only because i know what the consequences are and how to deal with them! they don't realise that i am able to control my own life, ( well my sleeping habits anyway because God controls my life ultimately) and i am able to know when enough is enough! though it kills me, when i am in need of sleep i do say goodnight to him. i would go as far as falling asleep on my laptop or anything. and the thing that annoys me the most is that when you-know-who came to visit me, my mum had a go at him for keeping me up to late!

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! why!!?? its not him i told her, its me! I'm the 'disobedient' child, well actually, I'm not! i can look out for my own energy levels! your not the one who knows when I'm tired, i am!! why do you think you still have the right to control every inch of me! you don't! and i appreciate every single thing you've done for me. i cant image how hard it is to raise a child, and i know its gonna be tough for me but now is the time to let go!!! i love you both with all my heart, and i respect you but you cant keep holding me back! you need to let me make my own mistakes and take risks, and be who i am and live for Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow. glad i got the off my chest! LOL.
lovealways xxxxx

hey,
today has been great! church was awesome this morning. will stileman was preaching again, and he was really good. it was about the rich man, and how hecould not enter the kingdom of heaven because he would not give up his possessions and money. it really reminded me that every christian shud be like a child, and recieve, and not try to prove themselves worthy to God, because no-one can do that! we are all too sinful and unholy to be like God and only Jesus can get us to heaven. like children, we have to be humble before God, and know that he is our father, and is all we need.

lovealways x

hey!
my last post was a whole month ago so have a lot to say...

first of all, i had my moderation for dance today!!! it wasn't that scary, and suprisingly i wasnt that nervous either! poor emily! she was really nervous and felt sick. and she was babbling on about nick, so i dont feel like the only one who goes on about there boyfriend too much. well..theyre not going out and neither are me and you-know-who but we may aswell be the way we go on about them.

i think eliot fancies me! he told me he likes my brother more than me, but he likes me a lot !(?) strange. jake thinks he likes me too. and he thinks kerron fancies me too! yh right. anyway, the only guy for me is s.k!!! <3 i was thinking about us, and im sure hes the one. no-one else is like him and i cant find any reason why i shouldnt go out with him!! i cant WAIT for july now. he can definatly come because he doesnt have any groups in that week, so he wont be busy at work :D yay!

right now im listening to 'eye to eye' by 11:59! becki's dad's band!!!!! they are well cool. and they are top of the charts on the 'my song cast' website! i signed up for it as an artist! :S hopefully im getting a recording studio (the software for) for my birthday ! Oh Mi Gosh!! I'M 16!!!!!!! WOOOOW!!!!!!!! so crazy. i really love it, but i dont wanna grow up. : ( i wish i could stay a teenager forever. actually.. ...i think i will be! better go now got dance again tomoro!
ttyl
lovealways xxx

hey guys!

today was great..vicky stayed over after a late night back from the 3 and 1/2 hour performance last night! she was talking to tom on msn for hours this morning while we had pancakes and very slowly got dresses and mucked around a lot. lol.

we got out early afternoon, and went shopping for essentials..and a little extra hehe. we saw craig outside claires. he didnt say hi or anything or give me a hug. im not impresses with him at all. he totally hung up on me when i spoke to him so he can just p*** off. well im not really mates with him anymore. as much i as i hate to believe it hes gone back his normal self, and i believe its worse. well i guess all i can do is pray since hes not keen on talking about it to me.

well, anyway. of that subject. its camp in 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant wait!!!!! ive got new jeans and a couple of new tops that i can wear..hopefully its sunny weather!! i really just cant wait to be back at camp..wish scott was coming but at least i will get to talk to him in the evenings. =D <3<3<3

acadia really thinks hes in love with me or something..so do i sort of. i think i may be in love with him too but im not certain..yet :) i really really like him thou! hes soooo lovely to me and we have soo much in common..

anyway i better carry on with this MSN-revision balance.
laters xxxxx

hey,

well you-know-who is in israel now! :( i did sorta have the oppertunity to txt him, but 1, i wasn't sure if it would go thru because it was on my friend's phone and i wasnt sure if she just had free texts to the uk, and 2, i had no idea what to say! ive spoken to him about everything..appart from what's happening this sunday, which i only knew about atfer the oppertunity had past.

anyway, this sunday is our performance!!! we're going to be performing at the broadway!!!!!! i cant wait!! jake played there for his bon voyage. this is going to be soooo much fun! we're rehearsing on wednesday at goldsmith's, and then most of the day on sunday, so ill be going to church then going straight to goldsmith's again, then to the broadway for a final dress rehearsal, and then our performance at 5.30!!! my mum bought the tickets today, luckily there were still some left..i thought they'd be sold out because we left it a bit late but was fine.

:D

anyway, ive got a really busy day on wednesday, because ive got club and we are doing a..oh. i cant do that! we were gonna do something with the band, but now dance clashes!!!! i just realised.. i have to rearange my piano for tomoro, so that means this is the only night im gonna have free this week! im gonna go to spectrum on friday, since im not going on sunday and i havent been in soooooo long! i was gonna yesterday but we ended up going to churchdown with kerry beau and marilyn.

well i better go..i really miss scott...bye bye xxxx

hey every1

ive spent the whole weekend with scott..ts been soo great but im in so much grief right now. ive just watched clueless, which was wicked and i havent watched it in ages. i love it so much! cher is such a blonde, but she has so much heart and im so glad she got josh in the end..

well claire is so stressed out. and so am i. she still likes scott. so do i. i reeeally like him. she told me shes over him. then she said that she knew that i like him. then she said that she did still like hm. scott said they had been talking about it. he said he doesnt like her. i saw her facebook message. i think shes really badly hurt. i have no idea what to do.

HHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:'(

Dear Diary,

today was great! me and callie had a jamming session and made up some of my choreography music, which sounded really good so haopefully we can finish it off on Monday. i cant wait!! this weekend is gonna be sooo fun. right now im just about to get ready for bed because i have an early start tomorrow. i'm going jogging with acadia to lewisham at 9.30 =O and then we're meeting clare at lewisham station at 11 and going shopping in croydon! =D so that will be fun. i will hav to try get some money off my dad since im saving up all my money for australia! xD

then after that, me and clare are meeting her friends at 6 and then we're going to pizza hut! im staying over clare's house tomorrow night then i have to get up early (again!!) and get the train and bus straight to my church on sunday morning! i haven't been to Christ Church in aaaages because ive been so busy every sunday going to different churches and whatnot.

well i havent spoken to you-know-who yet, but hopefully he will be online a bit later (if i still am). and if he isnt, ill see him on sunday!! <333 wel i better go now. i wrote a realy cool song yesterday after speaking to sk, and i even wrote the notes and some of the chords on the piano! i havent written them down yet but i have recorded everything so i can when i have time.

im gonna head off now. better get some sleep for tomorrow and sunday since i doubt i will get much tomorrow night! lol

laters aligators!
LoVeAlWaYs
xxx

hey guys,

had an awesome day! i lost connection last night on msn to you-know-who again :( not good. i felt really bad when i saw the message he sent me in the morning :( so tonight im gonna be in bed early, even if i dont get to speak to him for very long or at all i dont wanna leave him hanging like i usually do. i hate the feeling myself, so im not gonna make him suffer!

anyway, i spoke to him earlier and he showed me a video of his car! its red, and quite small but i love small niftly cars :)
anyway i have to go now..got in trouble for staying up too late yesterday and i dont wanna do it again even i love talking to you-know-who sooooo much!

laters
lovealways
xxx

Hey guys!

today was great, school was really good and i walked home with sam for the first time in ages. ive just finished making a card for claire. its her baptism on sunday and im her towel holder!! vicky's baptism on sunday was awesome! i was crying all the way thru the tetomonies and the baptisms(tears of joy :D )! and clare's b-day party was awesome..we played some crazy games and did kareoke! fun! xD

you-know-who isnt online yet but im talking to clare and sean. i was invited to join this massive convo with loads of people from my school on msn :P was crazy! jax was funny on it thou. he kept cusing ross! lol

well i better got togo to bed soon got another big day tomorrow
[live it for JESUS!!!]

lovealways
xxx

I am very happy! <33

washing sqeak our guineapig!

us a few years back :)

esther with a new hairdo - my handie work!

my craaazy mum!

suzie with my poor little hamster poppy!

dear diary,

today was good. i had free pasta and fruit juice from my free inner card! :) one of the great things about school. yesterday i even had a fruit bag! might have that again tomorrow :) my msn isn't working! the Internet it (obviously) but just my msn is playing up. :( i really wanna go on and talk to u know who!

me and Sam had a really interesting convo in food tech. Carly went home because of the same problem i skipped dance for yesterday, so they didn't have their usual long natter. i love those convos with Sam because he comes up with really interesting things to say. we talked about baptism, and belief in God which we usually talk about when Carly's not around. he seems so interested but unsure, which is understandable. i dunno why i just didn't explain much to him. i will next time thou. any way i finished all my food tech coursework! i only have one piece of coursework to do in geography which I'm doing now.

i might get an A* for geography! sir said that he'll give anyone who gets an A* £20!!! cool i am sooo getting an A* now :) i also have to do another observational drawing for art. omgosh! my media teacher lost my commentary!!!! i took so much care to make that really good and she's gone and lost it!!!! why me!!!??? i did a first draft in my book but the one i did in the exam was WAY better. we had to type them up and improve them, but i really couldn't be bothered! i just really want the work i did now. i just want all this stuff to be over!!! i don't know if Ive got the energy or will to do things over again!! grr. its really annoying now especially as we only have about 6 weeks to go.

well i better finish that coursework now so I'll leave you with a pretty picture.
ooo scrubs in on!
lovealways xxx

hey
ive got a snoozing puppy on me right now so i cant really talk! we took him for a really long walk in beckenham place park and now hes totally sonked!
lovealways
rach x

This is me before my sister cut me a fringe..

..and this is me now!

dear diary,
i wrote in my MSN blog for the first times in months the other day, and now I'm writing in this diary for the first time in months! i will try writing in this diary my regularly now that i have my own laptop it will be much than having to share on between 5 people.

days are good, it's half term right now, well the last two days of it anyway. spectrum is tomorrow then on Monday i have to give in two really important pieces of coursework so i shouldn't really be doing my blog right now!

i met this really cute guy at new year camp..he's really sweet and a good christian. we talked for ages on the beach about ourselves and general stuff but we get on so well! i feel like i've known him for ages.. well i have really. i first met him years ago, when my friend pointed him out as the cute one but with big ears but i still had a small crush on him. i never knew this, but a few years later my sister became friends with his little sister, then my brother became mates with his little brother and i met his sister too!

they all have blond curly hair, and he has gorgeous dark hair, so i guess that why i never assumed they were related. my mate noticed something between us when i spoke to him at new year, and i didn't even realise that we did look coupled because we just got on so well. i speak to him on msn almost everyday and he tells me i look beautiful when we go on webcam!

next month he's hoping to come up to london to see me. he lives in bournemouth which is a long way from where i live but he's got a car so he can drive up :D i think i really like himbut u czn never tell unless u spend time with someone up front. i dont want this to end up like it did with lukas. he has a girlfriend now, and i NEVER talk to him or anything. he didnt call me up to wish me happy new year which was the first give away.

anyway, i'm going on july camp with him, and maybe soul survivor which i cant wait for [if i have enuff money]! i can imagine us together, and now my mum knows cos i leaft a stupid message on my phone display, its all getting out in the open! i miss him when we're not talking, but most of all i miss being next to him, just walking along a windy beach.

i better go now, will update this blog asap!
lovealways xxx

ps. i had a hair cut!

hello again

its been too long and i really cant believe the last time i wrote in here was in July!!! crazy hey. well I've just been to the walmer house party, which was great fun and a really cool time to unload and be spiritually blessed. oh, also i really need to start doing my quiet times again! i feel really bad not doing them. I've been ignoring my best friend, or at least not listening to him yet asking him for stuff.

OhMyGosh!!! i might (might) be going to AUSTRALIA!!!!!!!! Becki's parents invited us, so if we raise enough money, and have the time, then we could go this year! that would be sooo cool. we'd go for a month, and either in April, or September where the temperature is not too hot, but not too cold.

school on monday..and the CU's gonna be on wednesday, so im gonna have to come up with a talk by then. Rusty (our 14 week old, black and tan irish jack russel puppy) is barking at the hoover. :D silly dog. well this will now be posted along with a fairly recent photo of whatever i can find that is seemingly interesting.

Laters xoxox